


Can't Stay

by SilenceIsGolden15



Series: Voltron Oneshots [17]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Introspection, Keith is a sad boy and it makes me sad too, Loneliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 12:51:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15315900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilenceIsGolden15/pseuds/SilenceIsGolden15
Summary: Why could he never stay? He was like those nomads they taught about in school. Never settled. Always moving, searching for something he could never find. Maybe it was selfish of him, but as he buried his head in his knees, he wondered and helplessly wished he could find somewhere he could stay-- forever.





	Can't Stay

**Author's Note:**

> Written before seasons 5 or 6 so the whole Krolia/Dad thing isn't quite right but whatever im depressed.

“I can’t stay.”

The man looked up at his girlfriend (wife? They’d never really talked about it.) In her hand was that strange device she’d brought with her, except part of it was flashing green. It had never done that before. 

“Do you have to go?” he sighed, already knowing the answer. But she still nodded, and he avoided her yellow eyes. Instead his gaze returned to their son who he dawdled on his knee, barely a year old. 

“What about him?”

He saw her hand clench around her little metal box. 

“I’m doing this  _ for  _ him. You know that.”

Their child turned his head and stared up at his mother with those big violet eyes, lifting up his chubby baby arms in a silent request. His mother grimaced, revealing her fangs, and backed away. His bottom lip began to tremble in confusion and his father held him close. 

“Go on then.” he said gruffly. It wasn’t fair, he knew it wasn’t-- what she did was more important than him and his stung feelings. But somewhere he’d been hoping that it wouldn’t be more important than her child. Clearly he was wrong.

It was only after she’d been gone for several days when he found her knife hidden under their sons crib. 

* * *

“I can’t stay.”

His sons eyes were wide and solemn. 

“I know.” he said, too seriously for a five year old. “You hafta go to work.”

His sad smile faltered a little. He’d been planning on telling him the truth; that he was going away for a lot longer than a few hours. He’d spent hours building up enough resolve to do it. But now it was failing him, and in the last second he decided he couldn’t. So he did what he did best-- he lied.

“That’s right, son.” he murmured, and his voice cracked. The boy in front of him tilted his head, black hair falling over his forehead. He resisted the urge to reach out and tuck it back.

“Why’re you sad?” asked the child. 

“Don’t worry about it. Adult stuff.” 

He was choking on bile.

When he left, he didn’t look back. 

* * *

“You can’t stay.”

A phrase he got very familiar with over the years. Bouncing house to house, family to family, his already meager possessions dwindling to nothing but the knife that his father had never even explained to him properly. 

Sometimes he left with new bruises. Sometimes he didn’t. That was usually the only difference. The social workers disappointed face was always the same. The families hanging back, only barely waving when they drove away, was always the same. The heavy silence in the car was always the same. The black hole in his chest was always the same.

And now, as he sat on the curb waiting for the process to repeat itself for the upteenth time, he found himself wondering why. 

Why could he never stay? He was like those nomads they taught about in school. Never settled. Always moving, searching for something he could never find. Maybe it was selfish of him, but as he buried his head in his knees, he wondered and helplessly wished he could find somewhere he could stay-- forever. 

* * *

“I can’t stay.”

“I know, Shiro.” He huffed, blowing a chunk of his bangs away from his face for just a second before it settled again. “You’re piloting the Kerberos mission, it’s the opportunity of a lifetime.” He gave his friend the best smile he could. 

His friend didn’t return the gesture. He maintained his worried expression and stopped walking, forcing the other boy to stop with him. The grass of the plain they stood on stirred under the touch of the warm breeze, warm sun beat down on their shoulders; it would have been like a scene out of a painting if it weren’t for the rocket towering over them.

“Keith, knowing I’m going to be gone and me actually being gone are two very different things.” The wind picked up, tossing their hair and the edges of their crisp uniform shirts. He just shrugged and looked away, staring up up up at the tip of the rocket. 

The Kerberos mission was the most advanced attempt of humanity so far to study the stars above them. The fact that a man of barely 24 had been chosen to pilot it was beyond anyone’s expectations. Both he and Shiro had been over the moon when they’d found out-- Shiro for himself and Keith for him. 

He didn’t want Shiro to worry about him. This was his mission, his opportunity to make his mark on the world, and the last thing he needed was to be fretting over Keith being  _ lonely _ , for god’s sake. 

“I’ll be fine.” he tried when Shiro still didn’t seem appeased. “It’s not like it’ll be forever, right?”

“No, it won’t be.”

“Then there’s no problem.”

“Just don’t do anything crazy, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. You worry too much.”

* * *

“You can’t stay. Not after that stunt you pulled.”

Keith scowled at the floor and spat out blood. He’d been picking fights for weeks, but he’d really done it now. He just couldn’t  _ help  _ it. 

He was so angry. It wasn’t supposed to be forever. Shiro was supposed to come back. But he wasn’t and everyone was saying he’s dead and he just couldn’t take this again. Couldn’t take being left again. And now he had to leave too. 

No one ever stayed and neither could he and it just wasn’t  _ fair _ . 

“Did you hear me, kid?”

“You can make me leave.” he snarled. “But it won’t erase the fact that you’re hiding something.”

He’d known the Garrison wasn’t going to be forever. But he’d hoped it would’ve lasted just a little bit longer before everything inevitably fell apart. 

* * *

“I can’t stay.”

Losing Shiro for the second time had finally taught him his lesson. He wasn’t meant to have a home or a family. Everytime he thought he’d found somewhere to belong the universe tore it apart again. And he was sick of it, sick of suffering, sick of leaving and being left. It would be better this way. Leave just this one last time, forget it had ever felt like home, and then when one or all of them inevitably died in this war it wouldn’t hurt so much. 

This way he would be useful. He wouldn’t be selfish and steal a lion from someone, but he could still fight and do his part. The Blade wasn’t sentimental-- so long as he actually did what he was supposed to do and didn’t get attached. 

Again.

The others gave him sad looks but didn’t try to convince him to stay. He wasn’t sure if that hurt more or less. But it wouldn’t hurt for long. 

Because he can’t stay. He never could. 


End file.
